I reached home very late tonight… I went through all my favorite part of the city, and I even walked a little with my dear friend Lexi. It was so nice, I just called her out of the blue around 9 o’clock p.m. and she actually came for a walk with me. I couldn’t neither stay and read nor having a BLUE, as almost all the benches were occupied, but I walked and scattered my thoughts and feelings all over the streets.
I even got to see the street lights turned on! It wasn’t completely dark, but enough to look nice. I was happy about that…
It feels like… I’m faking it for myself. I’m desperate in finding joy, and I have people I wouldn’t expect (even here on Tumblr) trying to help me and cheer me up. I am so thankful and… I want to be good, joyful, for them, for each of them. But it feels like I’m faking it for myself.
I love you all. And I am so sorry that everything I am depends on one person. I am sorry I hurt you with all the bad things I do to myself.
I’ll somehow find… real happiness, joy… soon, I hope. The summer break it’s almost here. I will be good, a good person, this summer. I will do my best, over and over again, for I am not over yet. I guess.